The link to Andrew Solomon’s 20-minute TED talk How the Worse Moments in Our Lives Make Us Who We Are arrived just as I was posting my May 22 Resources post on Gratitude for Bad Things That Don’t Happen.
Sample wisdom from the talk:
You need to take the traumas and make them part of who you’ve come to be, and you need to fold the worst events of your life into a narrative of triumph, evincing a better self in response to things that
[Forging meaning] involves substituting “and” for “but” – not “I am here but I have cancer,” but rather, “I have cancer and I am here.”
Forging meaning and building identity does not make what was wrong right. It only makes what was wrong precious.
We don’t seek the painful experiences that hew our identities but we seek our identities in the wake of painful experiences. We cannot bear a pointless torment, but we can endure great pain if we believe that it’s purposeful.
Solomon is the author of the brilliant and New York Times best-selling Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity, his research into how families manage to deal with various kinds of challenging or unusual offspring.
You can view and/or download the transcripts to read.
Powerful, inspiring, full of integrity and wisdom. True resources for recovering resilience.