Category Archives for "Exercises"

Crazy Making Thoughts and Rewiring the Patterns That Create Them

I’ve come to realize I’m a great catastrophizer.  I can go from a sneeze means “uh, oh, I’m catching a cold” to I’m going to get sick and have to cancel clients to I’m going to lose clients to I’m going to lose my business…all in less than three seconds flat. Catastrophizing may have a […]

Changing Thoughts from Negative to Positive

Most of us have a Top Ten list of nagging, nay-saying thoughts that can just drive us crazy – and sabotage our confidence, block our resilience. “Better not! They’ll only make fun of you for doing that!” “See?  I knew I couldn’t.  I shouldn’t have even tried.” “Life sucks.  And it’s not going to get […]

Change Every Should to a Could

Intentions - Choices - Response-ability

When we couch an intention or a choice for a new behavior in terms of “should” – I “should” do my taxes this weekend, I “should” check to see how Harry’s doing after his knee surgery – the “should” creates an unconscious expectation or command for performance and sets us up for criticism if we […]

Noticing Shifts in Patterns of Response

I like to be liked.  I appreciate being noticed in pleasant, positive ways, as most of us do.  I can notice a quick cascade of very unpleasant feelings and thoughts if I feel dissed or feel unsure if I’ve been dissed. Our deepening mindful awareness allows us to notice those inner unsettling reactions with less […]

What Story Am I Believing Now?

I’ve watched my own opinions shift over time – someone I initially judged to be disastrously self-focused I quickly learned was a single mom raising an autistic son and she had to over-focus on herself and him to stay upright.  (Then I had to work with my own judgment of myself for being – always! […]

Tracking Shifts in Experience

When I stepped off a dock last winter, missed the boat, and plunged right into the ocean with my computer in my backpack on my back, (see How You Respond to the Issue…Is the Issue post) I had amply opportunity to watch my own reactions shift second by split-second: “Oh, no!” “But I’m alive!” “The […]

Steadying Awareness

We practice steadying our awareness so we can perceive that the events of our lives, and our responses to them, are ever-flowing and ever-changing. The knowledge that “this, too, shall pass” is a form of response flexibility built into life itself. It applies even to the self. You shift, change, grow, and evolve all of […]

Noticing What You’re Experiencing While You’re Experiencing It

“Noticing what you’re experiencing while you’re experiencing it” is senior meditation teacher Guy Armstrong’s very useful description of mindfulness, the foundation of the reflective intelligence we’ll explore in this month’s posts. Conscious awareness of what we’re experiencing – and our reactions to what we’re experiencing – is essential if we are to even notice that […]

Setting Limits and Boundaries

Setting limits and boundaries is an essential skill of relational intelligence.  You need to be able to trust that you can protect yourself from abuse or unfair treatment, regardless of the other person’s reactions or threats to connection, in order to stay safely engaged with another person.  Otherwise you risk becoming a doormat, too quickly […]

Negotiating Changes in Relationships

People need to be able to change and grow in relationships for the relationships to remain alive and vital. (See weekly quotes: Transitions Require Resilience; Resilience Requires Transitions) People also need to be able to initiate and ask for changes for their relationships for those relationships to remain alive and vital.  (Which this week’s upcoming […]

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