Relationship Impasses
A Warm Bath of Oxytocin at the 2022 Psychotherapy Networker Symposium
It all started when editor Rich Simon suggested I write an article for the Psychotherapy Networker magazine in 2009. I was “nobody” then; Rich worked we me for months, “simonizing” my writing as he did with every contributor to the magazine. The article, A Warm Bath for the Brain: Understanding Oxytocin’s Role in Therapeutic Change, […]
End the BASHing – Blame, Anger, Shame, Helplessness – in your Most Important Relationships
A client of mine came up with an acronym last week that was so very helpful to her in catching the anger-shame-blame behaviors she could easily get into, about herself, about people close to her. BASH – Blame, Anger (or Anxiety), Shame, Helplessness. The perfect descriptor of a very serious bad habit. This same client […]
Beyond the Betrayal
Betrayal – the breaking of trust – can rock our sense of who we are and our convictions of what’s true in our world more than anything else in human experience. Confronting and repairing that betrayal, joining with others to redress that betrayal, are hallmarks of skillful resistance, reconciliation, and resilience. This post is just […]
Be Aware of the Fuckery
“I’m aware of the fuckery in my family.” A client began her session with that phrase last week. I was delighted with the term. We had spent months helping her differentiate her sense of self from the harsh criticisms and manipulations of her family of origin. She was making great progress pulling out of the […]
Pruning Not-So-Healthy Relationships
I emphasize the necessity of cultivating nourishing, healthy relationships to support our resilience – a lot. [see Make Sure Good Friends Are Near] All true, very important. Sometimes, just as important, is the practice of pruning unhealthy relationships from our social circles. (Sometimes, though harder, creating a healthy boundary with unhealthy relationships in our families.) […]
The Triangle of Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor – What It Is and How to Get Out.
Stephen Karpman, M.D., developed his “drama triangle” – victim, rescuer, persecutor – almost 40 years ago, and I find it’s just as relevant – and just as new to many people – as it was 40 years ago. Even if you don’t spend much time yourself playing any of these three roles – you probably […]